All I Ever Needed To Know In This Fragile Layer Of Existence We Call The Real World I Learned From Serial Experiments Lain

"All I Ever Needed To Know In This Fragile Layer of Existence We Call The Real World I Learned From Serial Experiments Lain" is a page from the anime fansite "The Home for Infinite Losers". The website was first archived by the Internet Archive on the 3rd of November, 2001.

The page aims to create a list of things the author feels are "definitive laws" regarding Serial Experiments Lain. The list uses a humorous tone throughout, and the author invites users to email them in order to contribute additional "laws".

The full text of the page has been included below.

Original Website Content

Welcome to the one and only AIENTKITFLOEWCTRWILFSEL page! The only page on the net where the title is a run-on sentence! Well, that's not really true, but it's the only page whose title is a run-on sentence that doesn't suck! Although again, that might be subject for debate. Look, just start reading before I make myself look like even more of an idiot, OK? Although I really don't think I have any sort of claim to sanity after making something like this. It is a little difficult to make a list of definitive laws about a series where, in order to maintain honesty, any statement must be ended with an "I think." As in "Lain made all their memories go away... I think," or "The game the kids were all playing actually was important... I think." Still, for better or worse, here it is.

1) Sometimes, the only thing worse than being depressed and alone is NOT being depressed and alone.

2) Hip clubs can be more trouble than they're worth.

3) Drugs are bad. Especially if they look like machines.

4) Playing tag can be a REALLY bad idea.

5) Computers are cool. Big computers are cooler. Computers that fill an entire room are beyond cool.

6) They aren't your real parents.

7) She isn't your real sister (especially if she does nothing but make modem noises).

8) There is only one me, and I am me.

9) No there isn't.

10) The MIB do exist, and one of them is a crazy Asian guy. The other has a Lolita Complex.

11) God is a disgruntled computer programmer (probably from Microsoft).

12) God is also in five pieces and held together with duct-tape.

13) If you visit your friend's house for the first time and everything is covered with blood, cords, and water, get the hell out of there before God decides to try and kick your ass.

14) Wherever we go, we'll always be connected.

15) Sometimes there isn't anywhere on Earth you can run to.

16) Knights of the Eastern Calculus are evil. Very evil. They look down women's skirts! And they play videogames with their children! Evil evil!

17) Kids in bars know everything about computers. And they're always at the same table. Just accept that.

18) Evil twins can totally screw up your social life.

19) But it's OK, because you can just make everyone forget it ever happened.

20) When outside, shadows are made up of a weird splotchy red pattern. However, normal people can't see it. Simply accept this.

Other People's Suggestions (generally, they're much better than mine)

21) If you're going to summon the devil on the internet, bring your quake cheatcodes. If you're going to summon God, bring a mop.

22) The only certain thing in "life" is that teddy bear pajamas will never go out of style.

23) When entertaining guests, take the wires off your lip.

24) "I love you" is just another way of saying "Goodbye, this never happened."

25) Don't listen to peer pressure, especially when a high caliber pistol appears in your hand and a boy you don't know is telling you to press the trigger with your thumb.

26) Don't be afraid, everything will be all right.

27) The best way to exist is not to.

28) Someone is watching you. Always.

29) Your friends are not your friends. Your family is not your family. Your body is not your body. Your mind is not your own.

30) Forget number 26.

31) We are all software. Even worse, we're all freeware with no warranty, no manual, and an interface that even God has a hard time using.

32) If you're gonna die, make sure to send emails out about how you're not really dead.

33) If you see MIB standing outside your house, be afraid.

34) Accept that you're everywhere and know everything. It'll make things a lot easier when God tells you later in a mirc-esque chat..

35) Never accept mail from strangers.

36) Reality is just like the wired, minus the computer.

37) Don't try to kill your twin, it usually won't work.

38) If you get an email from a dead person, don't tell anyone about it.

39) If you need a new computer, don't worry about it because the company will almost immediately send you the newest model.

40) If the telephone lines start dripping blood, be concerned.

41) Don't be so quick to tell someone "We're all connected".

42) Don't stick computer parts in your mouth, especially if they erase your memory.

43) Don't try to impress bored housewives with your computer knowledge; they may know more than you think.

44) Don't tell God that maybe he isn't really God, he'll go nuts.

45) If your mom doesn't show up after telling her it's her turn to play, go check on her.

46) If you find yourself sitting in the middle of a busy street, don't worry the cars will go around you.

47) Avoid men in black suits, men in ducktape, kids in bear suits, and boys playing video games like the plague.

48) Don't be judgmental; everyone is connected (So the guy who picks his nose in gym class is a part of you...EEWW!)

49) Remember to update your software, you never know when your connection might go bad (How would you update a human being anyway?)

50) If your internet connection doesn't work you have the option of jumping off a building to get the " Full experience" (NOT RECOMMENDED)

51) The NAVI is your friend, The NAVI is your pal.

52) The truth is out there.

53) Pray that god doesn't decide to quit his job or get fired.

54) You have a twin.

55) and she's looking for you.

56) Everything can be classified by "Layers"

57) Your mother isn't your real mother, your father isn't your real father, your sister is a human modem, and your dog is probably working for the government.

58) Be paranoid, they're watching you.

59) they are also manipulating you.

60) If you vaguely remember mysterious girls who appear on your internet connections, don't worry, your memory has been erased.

61) Creepy little girls who stand away from crowds are usually very powerful beings.

62) And you probably knew them, personally.

63) Affairs with Adult teachers are a bad idea.

64) Not just in the world of lain, but the real world too.

65) Don't give anyone anything, it can probably be used against you.

66) The answer to the Wired riddle is "forty-two."

67) Always get your portable navi upgraded. It saves time.

68) Never trust anything found at Roswell.

69) Or anything American.

70) For that matter, just don't trust.

71) No one with a friend named Alice has a Normal life.

72) Love is never having to speak to your spouse, unless your daughter freaks out.

73) She's not your kid, or at least she wasn't until the update.

74) Taro is a lot like life. It has what you want, but you have to make it happy with you to get it, and it always wants you to be what you're not...

75) You are what you aren't you just are. Not.

76) If the clouds break and you see your face appear, take notice.

77) If your daughter suddenly begins building a computer while in her night gown, be concerned.

78) Scratch that, she's not REALLY your daughter.

79) If a friend of yours catches you masturbating, it's probably not really them, but their alter internet personality.

80) Wait, no, it was ANOTHER of their personalities, not the internet one but the evil one.

81) Be interested if an alien opens the door to your room. At least ask him if he would like to come in.

82) Be afraid if you see the reflection of a little girl in your laser-goggle thingies. Be very afraid.

83) Small girls with a single braid in their hair are all-powerful God's. Accept it.

Sources

Taken from here Back to Fanworks