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::One place I could see lengthening it is to maybe have some content as she decides to go to the Wired. I don't think she would be in a state to just jump right away, so maybe some more debating it, finding out what is involved, getting convinced? I do like what is here, and I think it will work well as a sort of intro, first story for the collection- lengthening it to much may ruin that "prelude" feel. [[User:Bytor|Bytor]] 22:20, 19 December 2012 (UTC)
::One place I could see lengthening it is to maybe have some content as she decides to go to the Wired. I don't think she would be in a state to just jump right away, so maybe some more debating it, finding out what is involved, getting convinced? I do like what is here, and I think it will work well as a sort of intro, first story for the collection- lengthening it to much may ruin that "prelude" feel. [[User:Bytor|Bytor]] 22:20, 19 December 2012 (UTC)
:::Now that I think about it more, if anything were added, it probably should be pretty short; the way this is written (and SEL itself), is very efficient and compact when it comes to dialogue. Just enough to get rid of that "ok, why is she just killing herself?" feeling that the method of entering the Wired can give.[[User:Bytor|Bytor]] 22:22, 19 December 2012 (UTC)
